On the day of the equinox, I found myself embarking on a new journey, one that I am now eager to share. A great occasion for a pinch of discovery and a cup of self-care. This was my Day One trying out Joyous, a brand of low-dose ketamine therapy that you can self-administer within the comfort of your own home.
The Day One recommended dose is 15mg, to make sure that the medicine is well tolerated. I chose the peppermint flavor of troche, which I found non-offensive and maybe even slightly fun. The text from Joyous suggested that I set aside 20 minutes and set an intention. A few of the suggestions: “Do you want to feel calm? Feel self-love? Experience insights? Forgive?”. I chose “feel self-love”. (I thought maybe I’d save “forgive” for Yom Kippur tomorrow.)
With the equinox sun casting long shadows in my backyard, I put a chair on the lawn to create a comfortable spot to sit and meditate. Right after putting the tiny white cube between my gum and cheek, I set a timer for 17 minutes, a duration that usually marks the boundary of my meditation comfort zone, the point at which I usually start to squirm. In addition to the “self-love” intention, I set the intention to just remain in seated meditation until the timer chimed, open to the experience and embracing whatever feelings and insights might arise.
As I closed my eyes and focused on my breath, I felt an immense sense of calm wash over me. A feeling of “everything in its right place”. It was a profound reassurance, a gentle whisper in the back of my mind that said, “This is all I need.” In this moment, I felt connected to the world around me in a way that was deeply grounding. It seemed a perfect way to celebrate the equinox, a time of balance and harmony.
The world outside and within me felt synchronized. I was completely present, not anxiously racing towards the future or entangled in the web of old memories. I was here, now, and that was all that mattered.
As usual, I got pretty squirmy around 15 minutes, but stayed seated until the timer went off. In this slightly dissociated state, something about the timer made me think I needed to wrap everything up. I brought the chair back up to the deck, but as I stood up, I felt a bit dizzy. Upon reflection, I realized that I should have allowed myself to stay seated for a while longer, to let the experience fully run its course and to gently transition back into my usual state of consciousness.
In retrospect, the synchronicity of the Joyous package arriving on the day of the equinox feels like more than just a coincidence. The equinox, a time when day and night hold equal sway, seems like the perfect moment to commence a journey towards inner balance and harmony. I am grateful for this fun alignment, for the opportunity to begin this exploration on such a significant day.
Re: Joyous - my curiosity is piqued. I am eager to continue exploring the therapeutic potential of low-dose ketamine, as a tool to enhance my overall wellbeing.